at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
