be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
