the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
