that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
