I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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