Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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