Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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