we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
