I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
