So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
