You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The Olympian is in my bed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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