Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
