Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
