I'll bet she douches with gravy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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