you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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