I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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