Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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