i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
