Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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