If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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