Banned from zoo.
Again?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
