I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
