just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
