He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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