Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We're too hungover to prance.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
