I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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