I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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