For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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