Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
