I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
