she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
