Even the bartender felt bad for me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
