FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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