Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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