How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
ok first of all what the fuck
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
