Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The air taste purple.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
