my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
