our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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