holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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