I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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