READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ugly people sure do ruin things
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
