this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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