I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
