Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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