so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
