and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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