Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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