Is it because I queefed?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
