btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
