idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
